So many times when we speak with someone we can say exactly what we want to communicate but that message is not always received by the person with whom we are conversing.

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote an excellent book entitled, “The Five Love Languages.” In his book he describes how most of the time in a marriage, one spouse communicates in a way that is important to him or her and the spouse will communicate in a way that is important to him or her.  When a spouse feels like they are not loved because their spouse does not communicate in their love, after a period of time, they are ready to give up on the marriage.

If one spouse’s love language is acts of service, then to demonstrate love that spouse will cook, clean, wash the car, wash the clothes and etcetera to show their love; however if their spouse’s love language is words of affirmation and they never hear words of affirmation then they feel unloved. It’s not that the acts of service are not appreciated; it’s that it just doesn’t show the same love as the words of affirmation do.

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If someone only speaks Spanish and you talk to them in English, then regardless of how loud you speak or how enthusiastic you are about your message the person will not understand.  In other words, it does not matter as much what you say as it matters what is perceived that you said.

After being married for 40 years, a wife and her husband went to a marriage counselor. She was ready for a divorce. When the counselor asked her why she wanted to divorce her husband after 40 years of marriage, she replied, “He doesn’t love me.” Her husband refuted that claim. The counselor then asked, “Why do you think your husband doesn’t love you? Has he been mean or abusive?” She replied, “No, but he never tells me he loves me.”

Her husband said, “wait just a minute, I told you that I love you 40 years ago when we got married. If I ever change my mind, I’ll let you know.” He thought he had communicated the right message but because he had not said it enough, the message was not perceived the way he intended it.

If you have never Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages” I highly recommend it to you.

Do you have a story where you were misunderstood or you did not understand someone? Share it in the comment section.

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       James Barber

       Author of the Networking Guru

       Networking-Guru.com