So many times when we
speak with someone we can say exactly what we want to communicate but that
message is not always received by the person with whom we are conversing.
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote
an excellent book entitled, “The Five Love Languages.” In his book he
describes how most of the time in a marriage, one spouse communicates in a way
that is important to him or her and the spouse will communicate in a way that
is important to him or her. When a spouse feels like they are not loved
because their spouse does not communicate in their love, after a period of
time, they are ready to give up on the marriage.
If one spouse’s love
language is acts of service, then to demonstrate love that spouse will cook,
clean, wash the car, wash the clothes and etcetera to show their love; however
if their spouse’s love language is words of affirmation and they never hear
words of affirmation then they feel unloved. It’s not that the acts of service
are not appreciated; it’s that it just doesn’t show the same love as the words
of affirmation do.
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If someone only speaks
Spanish and you talk to them in English, then regardless of how loud you speak
or how enthusiastic you are about your message the person will not understand. In other words, it does not matter
as much what you say as it matters what is perceived that you said.
After being married
for 40 years, a wife and her husband went to a marriage counselor. She was
ready for a divorce. When the counselor asked her why she wanted to divorce her
husband after 40 years of marriage, she replied, “He doesn’t love me.” Her
husband refuted that claim. The counselor then asked, “Why do you think your
husband doesn’t love you? Has he been mean or abusive?” She replied, “No, but
he never tells me he loves me.”
Her husband said,
“wait just a minute, I told you that I love you 40 years ago when we got
married. If I ever change my mind, I’ll let you know.” He thought he had
communicated the right message but because he had not said it enough, the
message was not perceived the way he intended it.
If you have never Dr.
Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages” I highly
recommend it to you.
Do you have a story
where you were misunderstood or you did not understand someone? Share it in the
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